Never Let Yuu Go
by love'sunny'side'up
Summary: Over the years Allen Walker has come to understand that having a relationship with one Yuu Kanda will never be as easy as a walk in the park. There were bound to be silly fights, lots of it, but it was never meant to break them apart. This time, though...


**EDITTED VERSION**

**Do not expect much change on this, though because it was self edited. I only corrected some spelling and grammar errors but I can't find all of it especially the grammar errors since I no good speaking ENGLISH.**

**Point it out if you like, that will be a lot of help.**

**Added a few things, too, nothing major, though. Changed from humor/hurt/comfort to romance/hurt/comfort because I can't find the funny in here.**

**Changed the summary, too.**

**CONTAINS Yullen, onesided YuMa and POKER PAIR.**

**My first attempt at one-shot.**

**Thank you to the people who already reviewed, especially to xbleedinglotus. I hope I got your name right. I always enjoy reading your reviews, sweetheart!**

…**..**

**Never Let Yuu Go**

…**..**

If anybody dared to ask Allen Walker about his and Kanda's relationship, he would out rightly say that, yes, they were together, have been together for five years and would be together forever. Unless that Japanese jackarse suddenly bumps his head hard on the pavement and declares that he loves tits and vaginas, then Allen could rightfully conclude that they will be together, even after death, because he would never ever let go of Yuu Kanda, and death was not that much of an obstacle for someone who was in love.

If anyone dared to ask Allen Walker if his relationship with Kanda was smooth sailing, he would out rightly say that, no, because let's face it, this is Yuu Kanda we're talking about. He was very temperamental, finds everyone except himself totally annoying and gets off with everybody's pain and suffering, (not to mention Allen covered in chocolate and cream) and enjoys social life as much as he enjoys smiling, which he doesn't. So, yeah, you get it.

If anybody asked him, though, why he stays, even with the constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse he has to suffer whenever Yuu Kanda was in the general vicinity, whether it be public or the confines of the apartment they shared, he would answer that it was love. As simple as that.

Maybe it was because Allen didn't experience love when he had been young and now that somebody showed him the slightest bit of it, he was clinging to that someone as if he would die if that somebody goes away. Maybe, but he didn't bother himself with such trivial matters. Childhood trauma be damned, he was in love and that was the end of it. Even if the guy he was in love with was Yuu Kanda.

Lately, though, he had been noticing that their relationship was going the wrong way.

Allen knew Kanda didn't enjoy physical contact except when he was horny as hell, so he had been keeping physical contact at the minimum. That was how it had been, even after five years. No kisses in public, one hug in the morning and at night when Kanda comes home from work. Holding hands was okay as long as nobody can see. Bumping shoulders in public was okay, too. As long as he could make it look unintentional. One might think that with all this precaution laid before their relationship, that both were afraid that anybody would so much as THINK that they were involved with each other. Allen, of course, didn't care about public opinion. Kanda, on the other hand, was still…well, Allen would call it shy, but, psshhh, Kanda didn't do shy. He was just…waiting for the right time to go out his dark closet.

Even though it wasn't a secret to everyone who knew them that it had been Kanda who had persuaded this relationship with Allen.

They had been in college then, with Lavi and Lenalee, he and Kanda's BFF, though Kanda would deny it. He was friends with Lenalee who was friends with Lavi who was friends with Kanda. The first time they met, it was hate at first sight. They didn't even get to say one word out before they were wrestling on the street with Lavi acting as their referee. Looking back at that time, Allen thought Lavi had been very biased. He had split Kanda's lip and gave him a very magnificent black eye so how come he declared Kanda the winner. It wasn't Kanda who broke his wrist and gave him a nosebleed. It was the concrete ground. Really.

The next meetings after that had been wrestling-free, much to Lenalee and Lavi's delight. And then they got to know each other. Kanda was Japanese, Allen was English. Kanda likes soba. Allen likes mitarashii dango. Kanda enjoys his own company. Allen likes to hang out with his friends EVERY single day. Kanda always scowls. Allen always smiles. They were like the opposite ends of a magnet, nobody would have thought that the night after Kanda and Lavi's finals as graduate students, Kanda would grab Allen's shoulder, kiss him on the lips and declare his undying love for the beansprout. Okay, so he didn't declare his undying love for him, but he did kiss Allen, as brief as that had been, and he did say that he maybe, kind of, sort of liked him more that just an annoying friend and that maybe he would kind of, sort of liked to have a relationship with him.

Allen always told anybody who cared to ask that Kanda had been so cute back then, blushing like a school girl, that he would never have been able to say no. If he did, then he wouldn't be here to tell the tale.

Their relationship didn't end up like the ones on TV. They didn't kiss after that. They barely hugged let alone touch each other in inappropriate ways, and it had Allen thinking if maybe he should end this. Before he got in too deep.

Later, after Kanda kissed him silly, gave him so many hickeys than Allen cared to count and screwed him breathless that Allen could swear Kanda broke his prostate for his roughness, Allen realized that it was too late and he was already in too deep.

And he was enjoying every second of it.

Allen realized that in Kanda's own, eccentric way he was showing Allen that he loved him, too. Every birthday, they go out to eat and when Kanda was feeling a little kind, they would even go to amusement parks or the aquarium for a date. One time, when Allen got sick, Kanda didn't go to work and just sat there by his side until he got well. He would always whisper that he sort of kind of loves Allen after they made love and Allen would think that he was the luckiest guy on earth for having Kanda as a boyfriend.

But it seemed like five years of doing the same thing over and over again has become dull and Allen really wanted to do something about it. Like maybe, you know, asking Kanda to get a ring for Allen and asking him to marry the younger man. Yeah, that idea sounds good. If only Kanda would stop being a complete jackarse for one minute and let him get a word out then Allen could get this done and over with.

But noooo, Kanda had been yapping about this and that and those this' and thats had nothing to do with rings and weddings and it was really pissing Allen off. He would have punched Kanda in the gut but then that would just lead to a series of punching each other to death and right now, they were really short on budget and don't have money for funeral services so yeah, he'll leave the punching for later.

The bastard actually had the gal to blame Allen for their current predicament. IF YOU WEREN'T A DAMN GLUTTON THEN WE WOULDN'T NEED TO BUY GROCERIES FOR ONE FUCKING HUNDRED PEOPLE and IF YOU WEREN'T A DAMN METROSEXUAL THEN MAYBE WE COULD HAVE USED THE MONEY YOU USED FOR BUYING THOSE FUCKING MAKEUPS TO BUY SOMETHING USEFUL and IF I WEREN'T WITH YOU THEN LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER.

Allen hated to admit it but that last one actually hurt. Especially since not a minute ago he had been thinking about exchanging vows with Kanda at the altar.

The prick, if only he knew just how much Allen had sacrificed just to stay with him.

"Really?" Allen asked suddenly, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could even though his heart had just been pierced through by Kanda's sharp, insensitive words. It wasn't as if they didn't go through the same argument everyday, but Allen thought that Kanda had gone too far this time.

"Yeah, really." Kanda answered easily, not looking at Allen but examining the couch he thought he would be sleeping on tonight. Oh Kanda, that is the least of your problem at the moment.

"Then maybe we should end this."

Kanda snorted, finally looking at Allen with an expression that clearly said he thought the younger man had been joking. When Allen continued to look serious, Kanda raised an eyebrow.

"You're serious?"

It was Allen's turn to snort. "You think I'm not?"

Kanda's glare turned positively evil. Allen knew it was the wrong thing to say but Kanda always says the wrong thing at the wrong time so he could do the same. Kanda was not the lord of him.

Allen crossed his arms coolly, though he did this only to hide the shaking of his hands.

"You said it. If you weren't with me then life would be better. I'm just doing you a favor Kanda." Allen smirked, trying to hold himself together. They always get into fights and most of those fights had been because of the silliest of things. They always made up (and made out) but Allen had a feeling that this time was going to be different.

Kanda didn't say anything for the longest moment. Allen later hoped that Kanda should have kept his mouth shut because somewhere in his mind, Allen knew that Kanda's words had been the first crack in their already shaky relationship.

"Do whatever you want. I don't care."

He left Allen in the living room after that. When Allen heard the slamming of the door a few seconds later, he realized that Kanda had won, and the bastard knew this.

Allen could never, would never let Yuu Kanda go

…..

The days after The Fight were very awkward. Allen barely looked at Kanda and he knew Kanda was doing the same. Allen cooked for himself because Kanda always comes home with take outs and eats it in his room. Allen was always forced to sleep on the couch because whenever Kanda got in first, he wouldn't go out until next morning and Allen didn't want to spend the night with that prick.

He didn't enjoy having fights with Kanda.

Allen knew it was Kanda's fault and that it was Kanda who needed to apologize but, come on, when had Kanda ever apologized for being wrong or at fault? Never, that's when.

But Allen needed to reassure himself that Kanda still cared and that his feelings were as recognized in this relationship as Kanda's were.

That it wasn't only Allen who cares what happens to them, that Kanda also cared.

As the days of silence continued, Allen realized that maybe he had been asking for a miracle.

…..….

Allen was pissed. He was really, really pissed that he wanted to clobber somebody to death. It would be perfect if that somebody was named Yuu Kanda.

But since Yuu Kanda was still on his way home, Allen had to endure seven hours, twenty four minutes and some seconds before he could vent his frustration.

Finally, FINALLY!, the apartment door slammed open and admitted Kanda in. Kanda barely got to step in before Allen was standing in front of him, trying to pulverize his face with his blackened left arm.

"What the hell is your problem now!" It was the first words that came out of Kanda after weeks of pretend muteness. Allen was glad to say that he didn't like it. In fact, it pissed him off even more.

"You lying git! Always blaming me for your problems! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"What the hell is wrong with YOU! What the fucking hell did I do this time!" Kanda grabbed both of Allen's wrists to stop him from trying to bruise his face. There was no need, though, since Allen realized that he was doing more damage to himself than Kanda.

With labored breaths, Allen growled out, "You're always bitching about not having enough money, but," Allen jerked his hands out of Kanda's grip and shoved it in his pockets. He violently pulled out a handful of dollars and threw it at Kanda's face.

For some reason, Kanda's face had gone completely pale.

"You lying bastard."

Allen wasn't mad because Kanda was hiding money from him. No, that was the least of his concern. It was more because of the fact that Kanda had been LYING to him and blaming him for a non-existent problem. Kanda wasn't broke. He had a lot of money in his drawer to last him a lifetime. So why? Why the lying? Why keep it a secret?

Allen hated Kanda's silence as much as he hated Kanda's hurtful words.

"Why?" Allen asked in a small voice. He was tired of this. What did they do to end up like this?

Like the last time they had a fight. Kanda didn't answer immediately. Instead he seemed to find the wall behind Allen completely fascinating.

"It's none of your fucking business."

As Kanda slowly picked up the bills on the floor, Allen could have sworn he heard something inside of him crumbling beyond repair.

…..

Maybe if he had persuaded his career as a pianist in England, he would have been enjoying life more that he did right now, which was saying a lot, since right now, Allen would rather die than be living and breathing and just sitting inside his and Kanda's apartment. Lately though, it was just his apartment.

Kanda hadn't been home for two weeks. The first three days was explainable since he had been away for work, but then, the night he was supposed to return home, Allen had been waiting patiently outside the apartment, a sweater in hand (because they were in the middle of November and it was really cold) and an apology in mind (because this silent war would never end unless one of them admitted defeat) Kanda didn't come home. He didn't even give Allen a call. He just…disappeared.

Allen waited the night after that and the night after that and…and he came to the conclusion that Kanda was not (never) coming home for a long time.

At first he was mad. That bastard, only thinking about himself. What if I starved to death? He knows I don't have a job, he COMMANDED me not to get a job. If it weren't for the monthly allowance he still receives through his bank account he would have died a long time ago.

But he didn't, and so he was left to wait until Kanda comes home. (Never)

….….

The moment he realized that he was going to be spending his birthday alone for the first time, Allen felt devastated. It was the first time that his fight with Kanda lasted this long. It had been, what?, almost a month since Kanda's sudden disappearance and the bastard didn't even cared to call and tell his boyfriend that he was still alive.

Allen always called Kanda's office but Kanda's co-workers would just lie through their teeth and tell him that Kanda wasn't there even though he could hear Kanda's growl through the phone. Some would even go the extra mile and give him a fake number for him to call, telling him that it belonged to Kanda's friend where the bastard was staying.

The first time Allen called the number and realized that it was fake he knew that he had to do something if he wanted to salvage what was left of his and Kanda's…relationship.

As the date of his birthday loomed closer and closer, a constant reminder that there was a very big chance that he would be celebrating alone for the first time in five years, Allen's hope of saving this…relationship continued to crack and crumble until he was left with just a tiny, pathetic bit of hope that maybe, maybe this was just one screwed-up dream and he would wake up with Kanda sleeping next to him and everything the way it had been.

He should never have kept that one pathetic, bit of hope. If he didn't, then what he saw would have never made him sad…and angry and devastated and, shit, he just wanted to die and he felt so…so sad.

He had been walking to the nearest grocery store that night to buy flour and eggs and icing because that tiny, pathetic bit of hope in him kept telling him that tomorrow (his birthday), Kanda would finally be back and he should prepare something or else, that grumpy git would just bitch and bitch at him until Allen had to shut him up with a kiss.

And because Allen was pathetic himself, he listened. He foolishly listened even though he knew there was only one in a million, no, billion chance that Kanda would actually be home tomorrow.

He bought all the necessary ingredients and even bought an extra pack of strawberries and a bottle of chocolate syrup, thinking that maybe Kanda would be a little naughty tomorrow (he always was during Allen's birthday). It was already past ten when Allen checked his wrist watch. He shivered because it was so cold and he was just wearing a thin, long sleeved shirt and faded blue jeans, feeling too lazy to get his coat inside his room. Allen looked up and smiled. It was going to be a white Christmas this year.

Allen didn't enjoy the snow as much as one might think he would. On the contrary, he hated it. He didn't hate it that much though when he had Kanda to cuddle with.

He stopped suddenly.

He turned around to look behind him but there was no one. Huh, he thought he heard something. A grunt or maybe a moan.

Allen's face scrunched up at the thought of a horny couple going at it somewhere near him in the middle of the night. He started to walk faster.

The moans and gasps got louder and louder until, unluckily, Allen found the source of the sounds.

There, in the alley between an apartment complex and some building, two people were locked in the lips, trying to eat each others mouth. Allen shivered in disgust. He never liked exhibitionist. It wasn't really his business, though so he turned to walk away.

The taller guy chose that moment to pull away and Allen was suddenly mesmerized by how long his hair was and how black his eyes were with just the slightest hint of blue and how he was scowling even though his cheeks were flushed and how the other, smaller guy murmured his name.

"Yuu, let's continue this in my apartment."

The snow started to fall.

Allen wondered, though, why it was raining in his eyes.

…..…..

He didn't go back to hi- that apartment that night. He walked aimlessly until he found himself a decent bed in the form of a park bench. Hopefully, no police would see him and make him go hom- back to that apartment.

He was tired. He was still crying. And that tiny, pathetic bit of hope inside him had vanished.

…..…

Allen's tiny, pathetic bit of hope had been right. Kanda was hom- in that apartment the next day. And he wasn't alone.

When Allen opened the door, his nose was assaulted by the smell of egg and toast and, strangely, mayonnaise. He walked to the kitchen and found two people there. Kanda and some guy. He didn't have to guess who that guy was. The evidence was pretty clear with all the hickeys covering his neck. He didn't even bother to hide it.

Surprisingly, Allen couldn't, didn't find the energy to even care.

Kanda and the other guy noticed him.

"You weren't here last night." Kanda grumbled, gripping his head as if it were giving him a painful beating.

Allen just shrugged and walked away.

He didn't notice Kanda raising an eyebrow and the other guy's slight smirk.

Allen opened the door to hi-…Kanda's room one last time. He wasted no time in finding a large enough bag and opening his closet and cabinet to get his things. Only the important stuff, clothes, some books and personal possessions. The pictures, Kanda's gifts, souvenirs from their dates and the like would be left behind.

It was damn time he think of himself.

A halting footstep behind him made him pause for one second. Knowing that it was only Kanda, Allen resumed his packing, trying to fit everything in one bag. He had called someone last night to get him. He was sure Tyki was on his way.

"…what are you doing?" Allen found little amusement in hearing Kanda's voice filled with confusion.

He didn't answer, just continued to grab the nearest clothes and stuffing it almost robotically in his bag. Even when Kanda grabbed his shoulder, he still tried to reach for his pajama and put it in the damn bag because he just wanted to get this done and fucking over with.

He didn't like confrontations. Kanda wasn't worth it.

He was just a stuck up bastard who only thinks of himself even after five years and it wasn't wrong if Allen finally had enough of it because, gods, he was so tired and he didn't want to cry but it was too late, he was already crying and he knew the tears were just being wasted because Kanda. Isn't. Worth. It.

"Ssshhhh. Beansprout. D-don't cry. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry I didn't call." Allen had to laugh. Kanda was apologizing at the last minute and it wasn't even for the reason Allen wanted it to be.

Who cares if he didn't call? Who cares if he didn't come home for one fucking month? Who cares? As long as he didn't cheat on Allen. As long as he could still look Allen in the eye and tell him that he loves him and only him.

"It's over, Kanda." Allen sobbed, even as he gripped Kanda's shirt and it rode over Kanda's shoulder. He looked at the exposed skin and gave a sound between laughing and shrieking because Kanda had a hickey there.

"Beansprout. What are you talking about?" Kanda asked. There was a touch of fear in his voice now.

Allen slowly let go of Kanda. Kanda tried to hold on, as he knew that if he let go, Allen would be gone.

_If only you realized that earlier._

Allen stood up, slowly. He noticed then that the other guy was standing in the doorway. He was trying to hide a smile. Allen thought he was doing a pathetic job at doing so.

Kanda noticed him, too.

"Alma. Get out." He snarled.

With out saying a word, the guy, ALMA, walked away. He did give Allen a very CHARMING smile before he left, though.

Kanda turned to Allen. "Now talk, beansprout. And I don't want to hear your fucking gibberish form earlier. I apologized didn't I?"

Allen snorted but didn't answer. He feared that his voice had abandoned him after crying like that in front of Kanda. He turned around, TURNED HIS BACK on Kanda and grabbed his pajamas. He put it in the bag and zipped it.

There. Now he could leave.

But it seemed that Kanda had other plans in mind.

"Moyashi!" Kanda shouted in his native tongue. He only did that when he was really mad.

"Shut up." Allen's voice was calm, in contrast to Kanda's tone. Come to think of it, even in the beginning, they were the opposite of each other.

"What the hell are you doing? Why did you pack your things! Fuck, I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to not call you, -I was just-…"

"Just what, Kanda? Just being a coward? Waiting for me to call you and BEG for you to come back?" Allen said spitefully.

Kanda was surprised by his tone. "…No, I-."

"Or maybe, you were just too _preoccupied_ to even care." Allen said the word preoccupied in a very suggestive tone that even a guy as thick headed as Kanda can understand his meaning.

"Moyashi, that's…"

Allen waited. He waited for Kanda to deny it, tell him that it wasn't true, that he was just hallucinating last night even though the mark on Kanda's shoulder screamed that it wasn't a hallucination, that it was true. He waited for Kanda to say something because he still wanted to believe in him.

Because he didn't want to let Yuu Kanda go.

Kanda's silence was what broke everything. This…this relationship was over. It was doomed form the very beginning but Allen had hoped that they could make it, somehow, and that he would eventually get his happily ever after.

_Idiot_, he scolded himself. _That only happens in fairytales._

Kanda didn't move to stop him when he walked to the door. Before Allen got out, he paused and said in the kindest tone he was allowed, "There's a mark on your shoulder, Kanda. You'd want to cover that."

It was really funny how Kanda just stood there, just STOOD there like a block of ice and didn't even bother to stop him, how, when he pulled out his key to the apartment and put it down the coffee table in the living room, the other guy, ALMA, quickly jumped in to get it, as if he were afraid that Allen would change his mind.

It was all so funny.

But then, why was he crying. As he stepped inside Tyki's black car, as they drove away, why was he crying for something, someone that wasn't even worth it?

_This is the worst birthday ever._

…..

He stayed at Tyki's apartment for a month. He was very grateful because Tyki didn't ask him questions or offered him words of consolation. No, he just prepared food for Allen before going to work, made sure Allen took a bath and didn't burn the house down and made Allen sleep at exactly eight in the evening, just like the proper big brother that he is.

They weren't related by blood. Allen didn't even know anyone he was blood-related with. It was only through Mana, his foster father, and Neah, Mana's brother, that he met Tyki and the rest of the Noah clan. Most of them were in England, Allen's birth country, but when Mana died and Allen decided to move out of country to forget, Neah had asked Tyki to follow him, under the guise of taking care of the Noah's business in America.

Tyki had been Allen's go-to person. He was always there, listening to Allen's whines, always giving and never taking. Allen loved him for that. It was a platonic kind of love, though.

It took only two weeks for the whole Noah clan to know that Allen finally broke up with that good-for-nothing Japanese. Allen, even through his hate for said Japanese, defended him, saying that he wasn't that good-for-nothing. He provided food and shelter for Allen for the past five years. Allen owed him that much.

…And maybe more.

Another two weeks and Allen got a call from his Godfather, Adam Earl, himself. Said godfather kept talking about this and that and how he would love for Allen to visit him in England and maybe stay there for a decade or two and how he missed Allen playing the piano for him and…well, Allen had stopped listening at that point.

Tyki bought his plane ticket for him. Allen saw him holding two, and asked him about that. Tyki just answered that his work was done for the time being.

Allen just shrugged.

The day of his and Tyki's departure, Allen kept pulling out his phone and looking at it for hours, mentally begging it to ring and flash Kanda's name.

As if that would ever happen. The bastard was probably too busy at the moment to even think about calling him. It wasn't as if he even knew Allen was leaving the country for an indefinite time.

As Allen was standing next to Tyki on the escalator, scanning the people coming and going, he did a double take when he saw, THOUGHT he saw a guy wearing a ponytail. He continued to look around to find him, find KANDA because he was HERE!

But he didn't see him. Maybe he was just seeing things.

And so Allen left America with nary a word from Kanda.

_Finally_, he told himself, he finally managed to let him go.

…..…

Three years.

It only took Allen three years to study music, graduate with flying colors and be a professional pianist whose name was constantly talked about over dinner.

Three years was enough for him to reshape his life.

Three years was enough for him to forget(?) about Kanda and start a not-so-platonic relationship with Tyki.

Three years and he was finally coming back.

…..…..

"…llen?"

Allen blinked. "Whu?"

He heard Tyki chuckle next to him.

"I was asking if you would like to eat before you go to the hotel. The media is waiting for you there and I would think you wouldn't get the chance to eat, then."

"Uh…yes, I would love to." Allen smiled though he felt like it was so strained even Tyki wouldn't buy it.

Tyki just gave him a smile of his own and leant forward to kiss him. Not on the lips. Even after three years he hadn't gotten past first base with Allen. And he knew he would never be able, too.

"You look tired." Tyki said, holding Allen's hand and circling his thumb on the skin of Allen's palm.

Allen sighed. "I don't much enjoy airplane rides. If you do it constantly for two and a half years, surely you would get tired of it."

"Then maybe you should not have made yourself very famous." There was a hint of playful jealousy in his tone.

Allen chuckled and punched him softly in the arm.

"You're one possessive gentleman."

Tyki smiled. Allen noticed that it was a sad kind of smile, the one he was used to giving and not taking.

"Only for you, Allen."

….…

True to Tyki's words, Allen didn't even get the time to THINK about food when he got to the lobby of the hotel he would be staying in. He was immediately assaulted by mics and cameras and questions that by the time he got pass the horde of rabid media and fans, he was feeling very dizzy.

Tyki wasn't there with him, the bastard. He knew this would happen and he fled the moment they got near the hotel, telling Allen that he had some personal business to attend to.

Alone inside his room, Allen finally relaxed his mind and thought that, yes, he was here again. He asked himself if Kanda was somewhere in this area or if he was going at it like bunnies with that guy, ALMA. Allen scoffed.

It wasn't his business. Not anymore.

….…..

Tickets for the concert of the 14th, the future successor of the Millennium Earl was sold out one month before the actual concert. He wasn't really surprised that the concert hall was very full. Most of his concerts had been. But still, it kind of got to his nerves.

He was feeling especially jittery and twitched a lot about 15 minutes before the concert. Tyki entered his room then. He was wearing a black pinstriped coat and under that was a pale blue shirt. He looked especially stunning tonight.

Allen wasn't surprised when he didn't feel anything. Not even a skipping of his heart beat.

"You okay?" Tyki asked when Allen just continued to stare.

"…Yeah." Allen scratched his head. "Just a little nervous."

"Don't worry, you'll do fine. You always do."

Allen was surprised when Tyki suddenly moved closer, too close to him, and their lips met the briefest moment.

"I'll take you somewhere after this."

Allen was left to ponder why that kiss felt like Tyki was saying goodbye.

….…

Just as Tyki said, he did fine. He did very well to be exact but who was asking?

After the concert, Allen was met by another mob of media which was effectively pushed out of the way by Skin Boric. Allen didn't know when the Noah came but he was very greatly that he did.

Allen went straight to Tyki's car and they immediately drove away. After fifteen minutes, Allen started to feel tense. Tyki was very quite and a quiet Tyki was a bad omen. Maybe the apocalypse was well on its way?

"Are you tired?" Allen jumped when Tyki suddenly asked him.

"…N-no, not really. Tyki where-?"

"I suggest you take a nap." Tyki cut him off. "It's a little too far, where we're going."

Allen felt very suspicious but this was Tyki and he would trust Tyki with his life. So he took a nap.

He was shaken awake after a few seconds, or so he thought, and he murmured something unintelligible before opening his eyes.

"We're here." Came Tyki's voice.

Allen's mind didn't immediately register where 'here' was. He just went out of the car when Tyki opened his door, stood there looking at the apartment complex in front of him and his brain didn't actually kick in until he heard Tyki's car driving away.

He looked around and Tyki's car was gone. He looked back in front of him and, surely, the apartment complex was still there.

Allen blinked. And blinked, and blinked again.

Is this a joke?

His heart started thudding in his chest like it never did in the past three years and he could feel his palm sweating. He knew he could just walk away, forget that he ever came here and just move back to the way things were supposed to be.

But he had to ask himself then. How were things supposed to be?

Normal, he answered himself.

But what is normal?

…

He didn't have an answer for that.

No, he did, but right now, it sounded wrong.

Normal was arguing with Kanda. Normal was pissing Kanda off. Normal was taunting Kanda until the Japanese gave him a good hit in the head and kiss it better later. Normal was standing next to Kanda. Normal was being with Kanda. Normal was having Kanda next to him, over him, in him. Normal was Kanda, _Kanda, KANDA!_

Allen chuckled as his tears started to fall. Even after three years, he wasn't able to let go.

How pathetic could he get?

"Oh, it's you."

Allen jumped when he heard a voice so close to his ear. He immediately turned to the side and saw someone he would rather not meet again in this lifetime.

"Alma." Allen said venomously.

Alma chuckled. "So, you remember me."

Allen stopped himself from blurting out silly things and accusations like 'how could I not, you stole Kanda from me!' or 'of course I do, you're one hell of a whore, do you know that?'

Alma seemed to follow his train of thought and he chuckled once more. He suddenly pulled out something from his pocket and threw it at Allen, the latter only catching it on instinct.

"That's yours." Alma walked away after that, leaving Allen blinking stupidly down at a single key.

Alma gave it back to him. Why?

_Maybe_…a voice in his mind said.

_**Maybe**_…he thought.

_**Maybe Kanda was actually worth it.**_

….….

Thinking of going back in that apartment was a hell of a lot easier than the actual stuff, but Allen did manage. After much stumbling and walking back and forth from floor to floor, he finally reached Kanda's, _his_, -_**their**_, maybe- apartment. Now all he needed to do was knock.

If only his hand would listen.

A minute passed, then two, and then three, and finally Allen thought that this was all bull and he needed to get out of there fast!, but then the door opened at that very wrong moment and…

Kanda

Kanda was looking down at him, a little too thin for Allen's liking, with a lot of stubble in his chin.

_Kanda_

Kanda blinked. Allen blinked back.

_KANDA_

And the door slammed close.

…..

That was a little anti-climactic.

Allen was left with no other choice but to bang desperately at the door. Kanda was there! He had to get in because Kanda…

Kanda…

After three long years, he wasn't able to let go of Yuu Kanda.

Allen screamed and bowled and just about threw a tantrum there.

Kanda, Kanda, Kanda_Kanda__**KANDA**_!

"Beansprout." Allen felt his fist hit a bony chest and he opened his eyes.

It was misty. Had he been crying?

"Beansprout." Kanda said again.

Allen recognized the name and answered in kind.

"BaKanda."

There was a very short moment where in Allen saw Kanda's expression turn into many things and finally it stopped changing and all Allen could see in his face and eyes is happiness.

Right now, Allen couldn't say he felt the same.

After the tension and desperation and longing of seeing Kanda again, everything was coming back out in the surface. He, _they,_ still needed to settle things.

"Let me in."

Kanda moved out of the way and Allen, after three long years, was finally home again.

….

Kanda didn't talk. In fact Allen wasn't sure if he was still breathing. If not for the constant glances Kanda gave him, Allen would think he was dead.

"What happened to you?" He asked, almost concerned.

Kanda gave a noncommittal grunt and looked the other way.

"Get straight to the point, moyashi."

Once a bastard, always a bastard.

"Fine." Allen crossed his arms, trying to hide how nervous he was.

What did he expect to get from this?

Closure, perhaps?

Or maybe a new beginning.

"What's the deal with you and that Alma guy?" Allen asked, not looking at Kanda. Kanda was doing the same.

"Moyashi, that is none of your business."

Those words again. Didn't Kanda know how much of an effect those words had on their relationship? Even though it had been already three years.

"Just answer me."

Silence.

"Nothing."

Allen sat up straight and glared at him. Kanda still wasn't looking at him. "What do you mean nothing? You're telling me that-y-you…that night, he-."

"So you did see us."

"…what?"

Finally, Kanda looked at him. Allen was hit with the fact that his eyes were so dull, so unlike the ones Allen always looked at three years ago.

What happened to them?

"The night before you…left. You saw me with Alma." Kanda shifted on his seat. "That…you got it all wrong, moyashi."

He got it all wrong? HE got it all wrong?

Allen laughed a hysterical laugh.

"You're joking, Kanda! You mean to say that you two were practically fucking each other's mouth that night and nothing happened? That _I _got it all wrong? That is one fucked up logic!"

"…moyashi. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!" Allen was standing up before he realized it. "Don't you fucking apologize to me now! You don't know…you have no idea how I felt! You just left me like some…some kind of dog and then the next time I see you, you're already with some body else! You didn't even bother to dump me!" Allen cried. He cried for all the things Kanda did to him, for all the things he had kept inside him for all these years.

And Kanda was telling him that this was all a mistake.

"…Sssshhh, Allen. Don't cry." Allen shouldn't feel safe in Kanda's arm, he shouldn't listen to him, he shouldn't cry even more because he had missed this. He missed Kanda so bad.

Kanda sat both of them back on the couch and petted Allen's hair softly, making shushing noises every time Allen let out a sob. When Allen seemed to finally calm down, he felt Kanda take a deep breath and began to talk.

"I'm sorry." How many times was he going to apologize? "I really am. It was my fault that we fought back then. I…was just being a coward."

"No shit." Allen muttered tiredly.

Kanda chuckled, probably the first time for a very long time. "Yeah. And…and I said those words. I didn't mean it."

Allen knew what words Kanda was talking about.

"My life would be…would be incomplete without you. I realized that the minute you were gone and…and shit! I'm really sorry." Kanda held Allen closer to him, thinking that the event from the last three years would repeat itself if he so much as loosen his hold on Allen. "I didn't mean it. And then, you said that you want to end it, this and, fuck, it really hurt, Allen."

Kanda was calling him Allen, he realized.

"I don't want it, _this, _to end. That's actually the reason why you got mad at me. Because I was keeping a secret from you."

Allen moved away from Kanda, slightly confused. When he saw the alarmed look on Kanda's face, he scooted closer to the man and held his hand to ensure him that he wasn't going away.

"I don't understand." Allen's anger at Kanda was no where to be found now. He wondered where it had gone.

"The money." Kanda answered.

"What about it?"

Kanda looked away for a moment. "I wanted to buy you something for your birthday. It…it was very expensive and I had to hide the money from you. You know, 'cause it's a surprise. I didn't know you would get mad. I'm sorry."

Allen chuckled. Kanda was giving him a lifetime's worth of sorry.

"Please continue."

Kanda cleared his throat awkwardly. "When, when you found out about the money, I…I panicked. That's why I didn't go home for a month. I stayed at Alma's house."

At the mention of Alma's name, Allen's mood darkened.

"I told him about you, us, and that I was going to surprise you then. I didn't know that he…well." Kanda trailed off.

So Kanda didn't know that Alma liked him, too.

"The night when you saw us, we were drunk. I was drunk, I'm not sure about him, though. He kind of…took advantage of that and well…you know the rest." Kanda suddenly glared at him as if this were all Allen's fault.

"No I don't. Explain it to me."

Kanda glared harder but he continued.

"We went back to his apartment, but nothing happened. Well, something almost happened." Kanda scowled, getting some of his original character back. "But then…"

Kanda suddenly stood up and rushed to his room. Allen was left feeling rightfully puzzled and very annoyed.

When Kanda came back looking pissed off and embarrassed at the same time, Allen thought that he was missing something.

"You saved me."

He was really missing something.

"I don't get it, Kanda." Allen furrowed his brows.

"That night, I thought…I thought you didn't like me anymore and I should just fucking leave you and forget about everything but…"

"Kanda, as much as I like to here you stutter like a school girl, I still have to do something more productive than this so, can you please get to the point already?"

"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something here." Kanda fisted his hair in frustration and then, out of the blue, he knelt in front of Allen.

Allen was missing something…

"This…this was supposed to be your birthday present but…well, you fucking ran out on me like a girl so it's not my fault that this is very fucking late!."

Allen would have chuckled. Even when Kanda was…trying to be serious, he could still find the time to blame Allen for every single thing. That's just the way he was.

Allen's thoughts came back to the present when Kanda coughed in his fist several times.

"Allen, I know I screwed up big time and that you would rather I die this instance but…please, give me another chance. If I fucking screw up again, then…then you can elope with that super tan freak you call boyfriend."

"Tyki?"

"…whatever." Kanda grumbled. He seemed to be recovering from whatever trauma he had experienced this past three years.

Allen didn't care, though, because he himself was recovering…somehow. And at that moment, he couldn't have really cared for anything even if he tried because Kanda just pulled out a box, a very worn looking box but still a box none-the-less.

"Allen Walker," Kanda opened the box and Allen saw his dream from once upon a time. The time when he wasn't fighting with Kanda, that time when everything wasn't so messed up like it was now. And he couldn't believe his eyes.

"…will you marr-mrrphh!" Kanda couldn't continue because Allen covered his mouth with his hands.

He could hear his heart beating so fast, his breath coming too short and his mind screaming that this was all too fast and he couldn't…Tyki…what about Tyki?

"Kanda, I can't." Allen slowly let his hands fall lamely on his lap. He wanted to so much but at the same time he didn't.

"Check your phone."

"…what?" Allen looked up. Kanda's words were so random he wasn't sure if heard right.

"I said check your phone."

Allen did. He saw that he had one unread message. He didn't even hear his phone rang.

It was from Tyki.

The message was short and to the point.

"Hey, Allen. I'm breaking up with you. Just give the poor guy a chance. He's been bugging me for three years. Anymore and I would really kill myself.

PS. I love you."

Tyki…he…and Kanda…for three years..?

"I can't believe this." Allen lay boneless on the couch for about five minutes. Kanda then snarled impatiently and snatched his left hand.

"I'm not letting you go, beansprout. If you kill yourself after this, I'll just kill myself and follow you. You can't escape so don't even fucking try." Kanda snarled he put the ring on Allen's finger.

It all felt so surreal that Allen couldn't help laughing. He just came here to do a concert and go back to England and never ever come back again but now it seemed like he had no choice but to stay.

Kanda looked up at him, looking mad because to him, it seemed like Allen wasn't taking him seriously. He stood up and held Allen in a bone crushing hug.

"I'm sorry. I'll never let you go. I promise I'll be good. Just…just tell me yes. Please…please."

Kanda was begging Allen to stay with him forever, and to Kanda, it seemed like death wasn't much of an obstacle as well. It was clear in Allen's eyes that Kanda was in love.

It took him Eight years to realize that Kanda did care, in his own eccentric way and just like Allen, Kanda wanted them to be together, forever.

Those three long years without Kanda seemed like a minute compared to this forever they were going to share.

How could he say no to that?

"Yes, Kanda…yes."

And it was okay, even though he was crying for lost time and silly misunderstandings, it was okay. Everything was normal again.

He was here with Kanda.

…..

If anybody dared to ask Allen Walker what his and Kanda's relationship were, he would out rightly say that, yes, they were together. Engaged as a matter of fact. And they would stay that way forever, because even if Kanda bumped his head hard on the pavement and declared that he loves tits and vaginas, Allen was sure the prick would just kidnap him and send him to the doctor for breast and vagina implant.

If anybody dared to ask him if his relationship with Kanda over the years had been smooth sailing, he would answer, no. What kind of relationship didn't go through ups and downs, thick and thins and Allen could say that he enjoys it as it is. This was Yuu Kanda they were talking about. No matter how temperamental he was or how he finds everyone except himself annoying or how much of a social retard the Japanese was, Allen would never want him any other way.

If anybody asked him why he stays, even though the day would never end with out a fight breaking out, he would answer that it was love. As simple as that.

He wouldn't even try to let this…this relationship with Kanda go because he knew he would never succeed. Yuu Kanda was holding on to him as much as Allen was. So there was really no reason for their relationship to go the wrong way.

They have each other. They will never be lost.

.….

Tyki blew smoke out of his mouth, leaning casually on his black Sedan.

"You think they made up?" Another man, almost as old as Allen, with short brown hair and ridiculously long side burns asked beside him.

"I _think_ they're already making out."

Alma sighed.

"I hate that kid." He grumbled.

"And I hate that Japanese."

He blew another puff of smoke in the air before chuckling all of a sudden.

"Hey, wanna eat dinner with me?" Tyki threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, opening the car door and waiting for Alma to get in.

"You do realize that this is going to be weird, right?" Alma asked with a smirk, already sitting on the passenger seat.

Tyki smirked. "I guess." He took one last glance at the apartment complex then walked to his side of the car and entered. "This isn't so bad, though."

"…yeah."

**END**

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

OMFG! My first ever one shot! I would really appreciate it if you review. I mean, I've just reached a milestone, here. And this one is tooooo looooooong!

I think I didn't get the mood right at the end. I just can't write a proper story. URGGHH!

And LOL for TYKIxALMA!

I wrote this fic to show my hate for YuMa. I don't hate Alma. I mean, I cried when he died, and he is really hot. I just don't want him being paired with Kanda.

YULLEN FOREVAHHHH!

Sorry for wrong grammar and spelling errors. If you could help me edit this I would give you cookies. I want to have a beta.


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